I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
