What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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