Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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