Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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