you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
pray to the hookup gods
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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