was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
