I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
