You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
