Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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