I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
