I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
