Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
