i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
