honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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