you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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