Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
