I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Everyone says I win the strip club
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
