I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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