I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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