i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
