My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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