If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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