you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
