ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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