Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
