We're facebook friends in real life
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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