i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
