it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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