I like my sex mixed with concussions.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We left the knife in your bed.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
