Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
