If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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