There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
