I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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