no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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