dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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