I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
