Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
