"it" just moved
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its liver damage thursday
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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