You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
