I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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