is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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