i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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