you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
