It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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