Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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