it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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