I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
