I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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