I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sext me about skeletons
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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