I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
