Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
