i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
