oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
