From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
