I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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