I'm gonna have a badass scar
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
