honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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