My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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