My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
