I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
