If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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