I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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