theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
