She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
