the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
