my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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