The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize